Saturday 21 September 10:21 AM
Just a couple of weeks shy of completing a year of full time cooking and believe me, this is not how I expected to look while staying neck deep in work. I always thought there was a limit to which you could like your job; a limit to which you could truly care. A job for me meant stress and a strange lack of peace. It was about walking into a swanky office in crisp formals and shiny shoes, a tightness in my chest every morning because I had no idea what lay in store. It could range from an angry boss for reasons that could fit anywhere between the stress of an ongoing case or their pet fish that decided to swim a little strangely that morning (trust me I’ve seen it all). It could be an unreasonable client with a bunch of absurd deadlines on a Friday night. And to top this all, my stupid imposter syndrome that constantly reminded me that I didn’t belong there; that I wasn’t good enough. ✨
So, when I moved to food, there were innumerable days when I felt like this wasn’t work enough. I still have those days, I won’t lie. Only because well, are you really allowed to “enjoy” work? I wasn’t so sure. I’d watch people lick their fingers clean after tasting the grub I lovingly serve and I’d feel my heart flutter; I’d hear my soul sing. How could THIS be work! That’s just one side.
Now the other. The songs of the soul are not even the tip of the iceberg. What really sleep beneath that fun bit are the sleepless nights thinking of all possible ways in which things could go wrong in the upcoming class. It’s incessant stress headaches that follow after I’ve put out an advertisement and I don’t get a bunch of people signing up in the first hour. It’s a constant state of panic about money and the what ifs. “What if they don’t like the food?”, “what if they go home hungry?”, “what if it sticks to the bottom of the pan?”.
But you know what, I’m going to teach myself to focus only on the beauty of this job I chose with all my heart. The people, the tight hugs, the stories I hear, the laughs. I’m slowly teaching myself that it’s okay to truly love my job; that it’s all right if it makes me a 100% happy ♥️
Photo from last night by the INCREDIBLE @v.for.vertigo 💕